Thinking Out Loud

I more than hate them. I despise them. I do not understand their purpose on this world. I hate when I see one, and I hate more when I see one on me.

Wood ticks are arachnids. That is a spider as far as I’m concerned. Right after wood ticks, spiders are second on my list of bugs I don’t want to see. Ever.

Ticks are blood sucking spiders with a bad attitude and almost impossible to kill. That’s not a very scientific description, but it’s my opinion.

Here’s what one website had to say about wood ticks: (it was supposed to be informative, but it just gave me the heeby jeebies) “Lacking antennae or functional eyes, it senses its prey by detecting exhaled carbon dioxide and waves its forelegs frantically. You brush the leaves and it grabs hold, tirelessly working its way through hair or clothing, toward flesh.” It goes on to say that wood ticks do not have to eat for two years.

So woodticks are blind, flat, sneaky, hungry, spastic, blood-sucking, armour plated spiders with a really bad attitude and a face I’m sure not even their mother loves. They are just ugly at it’s ugliest, as this closeup proves.

Did I mention I hate wood ticks?

Tonight, Bandit the Wonder Dog and I went to the lake. I knew there would be wood ticks. There is always wood ticks at the lake, especially early in the spring. I avoided tall grass. I avoided trees. I avoided anything I thought a tick could perch himself on like the blood sucking vulture he is, so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the hateful insects.

I knew the dog would find some. I was prepared mentally to deal with that.

On the way home, I felt something crawling on my neck – I grabbed it – it was a goddam woodtick of course. I threw it out the window. A minute later, I felt something on my arm – another one of the little bastards. I brushed it off in a panic, forgetting it will just crawl onto me again, determined little blood sucking arachnids that they are.

I got home, threw all of my clothes in the washing machine, (I’ll drown them I thought) and jumped in the shower. I found three more on me.

Can you feel them yet? I still do. Continuing…

The dog – I have to check the dog, because he will get up onto the bed with me in the middle of the night, and I just get his leftovers. I found four or five on him, and realized (with horror) that now I had to check me again. I found a couple more on the floor.

I’m sure Bandit still has a few, and by tomorrow morning (if I ever get over this creepy crawly feeling and go to bed) I’ll find a few more on me.

I hate wood ticks.