First offical day of retirement
Day by Day, On Retirement May 11th, 2007Today (apparently) is my first official day of retirement.
I thought I was still an employed person until the end of May, but apparently they way payout of vacation and other stuff works, yesterday was my last day. Not that it matters – either way, I was not going to work today.
As it turns out, I have three days of retirement before I start a new job. Just another long weekend I guess.
On Monday, I’m going to work with an old friend. Well he’s not an old (like ancient) friend, but a long time friend. Come to think of it, he’s old too. He is a year older than me and retired from the City of Moose Jaw about a year ago.
Anyway, we’re gonna be doing various landscaping work around town and he has about two months of work lined up. He’s assured me it’s only six hours a day, four days a week. We’ll see – somehow I suspect it’s gonna be more than that.
Plans for the first day of retirement:
- Go for coffee at 10:00 AM, so that I can piss off all of the working people who know that I can go at any time. I also plan on sitting in a big booth all by myself, and take an hour to drink my coffee, just to take up space
- Complain about how long everyone is taking about coffee breaks
- Tell anyone who will listen that things were better in the “olden days”
- Wander aimlessly, confused and slowly, and absolutely in front of everyone, through the mall, stop quickly, and scowl at anyone younger than 30
- Mumble to myself and scratch myself in private places, possibly fart loudly, again in the most public place I can find
- Go to the casino, pick the most popular slot machine, bet a penny at a time, and check each spin to make sure I wasn’t cheated
- Complain about the high cost of living, remind everyone that cigarettes used to cost 55 cents a pack, and gas was 17 cents a litre
- Any other annoying thing that retired geezers do, just because they are retired geezers and no one will say anything
Truth is, I do a lot of that stuff already.
I guess some things don’t change
PS: Please help me out. I know there are some specific things I need to do to irritate, and a complete list would be appreciated
May 14th, 2007 at 11:10 am
Well,you should absolutly drive about 30k,thats always annoying.When you are turning,dont signal til you are already half way round the corner.Or at least right at the corner.Deffinatly,you must never be in the proper turning lane.I mean by moving right over to the curb when making a right turn.Dont shoulder check.These are always the things that annoy me about “old retired” people.I really cant see you doing any of these,but you did ask for suggestions.Oh,you must putter with one little thing for at least 2 months…Oh wait,you’ve pretty much always done that.Or at least maybe you have procrastinated about it.Do you know how to do the nose blow thing without a kleenex?Thats annoying,as well as gross.If you cant do the blowing thing,I guess picking your nose would suffice.Cant think of anything else right now.But if I think of something,I will let you know
May 15th, 2007 at 9:50 am
I feel the need to defend retired geezers, Sherry:
Driving at 30k – what the hell is everybody’s hurry? You will get there when you get there.
Signal lights – First of all, I always turn there. You should know that by now. There is no need to wear out the bulb ahead of time. Secondly, if there is ever a need to signal, you should not be so close behind me that two flashes of the signal light immediately at the corner are not sufficient. And lanes are for wusses after all. It’s hard to turn that sharply with these old bones and muscles.
Shoulder check? Shoulder check? You gotta be kidding. I have shoulders. I’m not senile. Retired people only feel the need to check that they have put their teeth in. Don’t be ridiculous.
Puttering is an ancient and basic form of yoga. It’s relaxing, and should not be considered procrastination at all.
I can’t do the nose blowing thing. At least without blowing out my ears, or making a mess. Maybe I need to practice that. It is gross, and I will probably never be good at it.