…then don’t say anything at all. When I was growing up, I heard that little proverb quite regularly.  I didn’t know it had an “or else” on the end of it.

A little while ago, I might have, maybe, perhaps, possibly, accidentally made fun of my brother’s new microwave and his absolute amazement that the new appliance had a popcorn button.  And a turntable.  And a coffee button.

Okay, I’m still making fun of him, but there’s  a couple of other old sayings that come to mind right now -  “You’ll get what’s coming to you,” “God will get you for that” and the ever popular “Now, what the f— ?!!!” 

Yesterday, I put some pizza in the microwave, hit the reheat button (my brother has one of those now, too) and waited my four minutes  and ten seconds for hot food.  I pulled the plate out carefully, because sometimes they can get hot and set it on the counter.  Then, as is my usual habit, and for the life of me, I don’t know why, I stuck my finger in the re-heated food to see how hot it is.  Don’t laugh, I’ve seen other people do that.  In fact I think it was in the instructions that came with microwaves (like the one my brother just replaced) back in the day.  But I digress…

Anyways, the food was still cold.  Or almost cold. If I had sat on the pizza for four minutes and ten seconds, it would be warmer than this frigid plate before me right now.

So my microwave is now just a noisy, poor imitaion of a rotating “Dessert Dispaly” (remember they had those in restaurants years ago – I could watch the banana cream pie for hours, but again I digress)

So the moral of the story is: “Cold pizza really ain’t that bad”

I guess a new microwave is on my shopping list