A little while ago, I might have, maybe, perhaps, possibly, accidentally made fun of my brother’s new microwave and his absolute amazement that the new appliance had a popcorn button.  And a turntable.  And a coffee button.

Okay, I’m still making fun of him, but there’s  a couple of other old sayings that come to mind right now -  “You’ll get what’s coming to you,” “God will get you for that” and the ever popular “Now, what the f— ?!!!” 

Yesterday, I put some pizza in the microwave, hit the reheat button (my brother has one of those now, too) and waited my four minutes  and ten seconds for hot food.  I pulled the plate out carefully, because sometimes they can get hot and set it on the counter.  Then, as is my usual habit, and for the life of me, I don’t know why, I stuck my finger in the re-heated food to see how hot it is.  Don’t laugh, I’ve seen other people do that.  In fact I think it was in the instructions that came with microwaves (like the one my brother just replaced) back in the day.  But I digress…

Anyways, the food was still cold.  Or almost cold. If I had sat on the pizza for four minutes and ten seconds, it would be warmer than this frigid plate before me right now.

So my microwave is now just a noisy, poor imitaion of a rotating “Dessert Dispaly” (remember they had those in restaurants years ago – I could watch the banana cream pie for hours, but again I digress)

So the moral of the story is: “Cold pizza really ain’t that bad”

I guess a new microwave is on my shopping list

It all started innocently  enough.

me:  “What’s new?”

brother: “We’re finally going to replace the flooring in our house.  Should start next week.”

me: “Great!  How long is that gonna take?”

brother: “Not too long.  They are coming in and doing it one room at a time (a good plan I thought, but didn’t say anything) and they move the furniture and everything. (moving the furniture first is even a better plan!)”

me: “Cool – and you’re getting the whole main floor done, right?”

brother: “Yeah – and we got new appliances too”

me: “wow – you’re going all out.  All hi-tech stuff I presume”

brother: “Not really – except the microwave.”

(here’s where it happened…)

brother: “Yeah – it’s got push buttons and dials and controls and stuff”

me: “mm hmm” (trying to sound impressed)

brother: “It has a button just for popcorn. You just push it, and the microwave knows it’s popcorn and cooks it.  And it’s supposed to taste better than the old way, and doesn’t burn”

me: “Really – wow, that’s some microwave!”

brother: “And the beeper works all the time.  Our old one didn’t work when it was cold.  It just made a huunn huuun sound, and it wasn’t even doing that all the time.”

me: “And does it have a button for re-heating coffee?”

brother: “yeah, yeah – I think so.  And it’s got a turn table thing so that food cooks evenly. The food goes round and round like a merry-go-round!”

me: “So your old one didn’t have that stuff.  It must have been really old. I pretty much thought all of that was standard.  In fact, I had to replace my old microwave a couple of weeks ago and it had all of that.  Even the popcorn button.”

brother: (slightly annoyed) “We’ve had it for a while…”

me: “So, your old one, did it have an electric start or did you have to kick start it?”

brother: CLICK

I never did get to ask him if his new “ice box” actually plugs into the wall, and makes ice,  rather than the need to haul ice to store in the bottom compartment to keep things cool.